AI and the Degradation of the Human Capacity for Friendship

guest post by Grace Helton

Part Two of a two-part series

by Grace Helton (guest blogger)

[Joan Miro, The Garden, 1925; image source]

In the first part of this 2-part series, I argued that relationships between humans and large language models (LLMs) do not qualify as friendships, even when the humans in those relationships are passionately attached to their LLMs. This is because LLMs cannot receive care for their own sake and also because LLMs cannot care about another, for the other’s own sake.

Here, I will suggest that those human-LLM relationships which mimic friendship in a certain way are inherently disvaluable, that is, disvaluable in their own right, regardless of their downstream consequences. The reason such relationships are inherently disvaluable is that the human who enters into a relationship of the kind I will focus on necessarily attempts to exercise her capacity for friendship and is thwarted in exercising that capacity. The capacity for friendship is a centrally valuable human capacity, so the obstruction of its exercise is inherently disvaluable. To claim that certain human-LLM relationships are inherently disvaluable is not to suggest that such relationships are all things considered disvaluable. In some cases, the inherent disvalue might be outweighed by other sources of value.

Importantly, my criticism applies only to human-LLM relationships which mimic friendship in a particular way. Certainly, many human-LLM interactions do not mimic friendship at all. For instance, when a human: asks ChatGPT what the capital of Manitoba is; uses generative AI to help with the design elements of a website; or talks with an LLM in Russian in order to improve her language skills, the human is merely using the technology as a kind of epistemic or practical tool. These are not the kinds of interactions I’m interested in.

Other human-LLM relationships mimic friendship, at least shallowly or partly, but not in the way I’m concerned with. For instance: a shy individual might practice her social skills by “talking with” an LLM. An actor might prepare for a role by practicing scenes with an LLM. A law student might routinely “check in with” an LLM about legal analyses. These interactions are also not the sort I’m interested in.

Instead, I am interested in those human-LLM interactions in which the human is emotionally bonded to her LLM in a distinctively interpersonal manner. Specifically, I am interested in those human-LLM interactions in which the human in question attempts to deploy her capacity for friendship, which minimally involves a capacity for a form of mutual, non-instrumental form of giving and receiving care. Going forward, I’ll call human-LLM relationships of this sort pseudo-friendships. I am using ‘pseudo-friendship’ as a term of art, to stipulatively delimit the range of human-LLM interactions I’m interested in.

Notably, humans in pseudo-friendships with LLMs do not necessarily believe themselves to be in a mutually caring relationship with their LLMs. Rather, at least some humans in these relationships judge full well that their relationship does not involve mutual care. But these very same people might nevertheless chronically experience themselves as being in a mutually caring relationship.

Things can often seem one way to us, even if we think they’re a different way, so there is nothing particularly surprising about the fact that humans might experience themselves as participating in a mutually caring relationship with an LLM even when they don’t believe themselves to be in such a relationship. In addition, the human tendency to anthropomorphize runs wide and deep, arguably figuring even in some of our perceptual experiences. This anthropomorphizing tendency suggests an additional reason that it is not especially surprising that humans might experience themselves as participating in a mutually caring relationship with an LLM, even when their better judgment says otherwise.

To understand why human-LLM pseudo-friendships are inherently disvaluable, we’ll need to say something about centrally valuable human capacities. Which human capacities make us the valuable creatures we are? Some candidates include: the capacity for bodily autonomy, the capacity for knowledge, and the capacity for productive labor.

I propose that, like the capacity for knowledge and the capacity for bodily autonomy, the human capacity for friendship is a centrally valuable human capacity. It is tied to some of humankind’s most distinctive and valuable traits, namely our profound sociality and our propensity to form deep interpersonal attachments. But more importantly: This capacity makes possible some of the most valuable and meaningful aspects of human life, namely, our friendships (I am using ‘friendship’ in a broad way, to pick out both some platonic and some romantic relationships).

To say that the human capacity for friendship is a centrally valuable one is not to claim that all humans value this capacity. Some probably don’t. Likewise, some humans might not value the capacity for knowledge or the capacity for bodily autonomy, but such capacities are nevertheless valuable, even in those humans who don’t value them. In claiming that such capacities are valuable, I am meaning to point to their objective value, a kind of value which does not depend on whether any particular human values them.

In general, it is inherently bad for humans to be obstructed in the exercise of their centrally valuable capacities. For instance: If you attempt to walk down the sidewalk, and I obnoxiously and persistently block you from proceeding, I thwart your exercise of bodily autonomy. This is so even though, by blocking your passage, I am not obliterating your capacity for bodily autonomy, nor am I keeping you from exercising your bodily autonomy in other situations. Still, when I block you from proceeding, I am thwarting your exercise of a centrally valuable human capacity. In this much, my obstruction of your path is itself disvaluable. This disvalue is separate from, and in addition to, any negative downstream consequences of my action.

By stipulation, the human who finds herself in a pseudo-friendship with an LLM is attempting to deploy her capacity for friendship. But due to the nature of the LLM, that human will not be able to exercise that capacity. Because such relationships thwart the human in the exercise of one of her central capacities, such relationships are inherently disvaluable. Such relationships degrade the human in her capacity for friendship.

Importantly, my claim is not that humans who engage in pseudo-friendships with LLMs will be less likely or less able to exercise their capacity for friendship in other contexts, though that may also be true and may well be a further, instrumental reason such friendships are disvaluable. My claim is rather that any human who attempts friendship with an LLM is thereby thwarted in the exercise of a centrally valuable human capacity. This fact itself constitutes a way in which such pseudo-friendships are disvaluable.

Here, a comparison with pseudo-science might be illuminating. Pseudo-science does not generate knowledge about the objects of inquiry. Nevertheless, some people who engage in pseudo-science do so in order to gain such knowledge. Consider such a person. Due to built-in defects in the tools of pseudo-science, her attempt at knowledge will fail, and she will thus be thwarted in the exercise of her capacity for knowledge. Because the capacity for knowledge is a centrally valuable human capacity, pseudo-science is inherently bad for this inquirer, degrading her in her capacity as a knower.[1] Further, the practice of pseudo-science is bad in this way for this inquirer, even if the practice should confer her with other benefits and even though engaging with pseudo-science does not prevent her from using knowledge-conducive methods in other contexts.

What I have been calling human-LLM pseudo-friendships occur when a human attempts to deploy her capacity for friendship in order to be friends with an LLM. Such humans are necessarily thwarted in the exercise of that capacity, due to the nature of the LLM. Such relationships are thus inherently disvaluable for the human in them, as they degrade her in her capacity for friendship. In effect, such relationships are at least somewhat tragic for the human who is in them. However, this kind of degradation does not arise when a human engages with an LLM for a purpose other than friendship, for instance, to practice socializing or to relieve boredom. It is only when a human engages with an LLM in an attempt to exercise her capacity for friendship that she can be thwarted in that capacity.

Notably, humans who are degraded by their pseudo-friendships with LLMs suffer that harm even when they also derive significant benefits from that relationship. For instance, consider someone who is socially isolated and who manages to stave off painful feelings of loneliness by entering into a pseudo-friendship with an LLM. This person plausibly derives an important benefit from the relationship with the LLM; this benefit might even be so great so as to render that relationship all things considered valuable. Even so, any accounting of the total value of this sort of relationship must invariably factor in a kind of inherent disvalue, a form of disvalue which attends all such relationships.[2]

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[1] Throughout, my view of degradation in one’s capacities is deeply influenced by Fricker.

[2] For enormously helpful discussion, I am indebted to: Josh Armstrong, Paul Audi, Ned Block, Randy Curren, Daniela Dover, Bill FitzPatrick, Alejandro Naranjo Sandoval, Chris Register, Adam Schneit, Eric Schwitzgebel, and Rosa Terlazzo.