Fame Through Self-Citation
Let's say you're not picky about quality or venue. It shouldn't be too hard get five publications a year. And let's say that every one of your publications cites every one of your previously published or forthcoming works. In Year One, you will have 0 + 1 + 2 + 3 + 4 = 10 citations. By Year Two, you will have 5 + 6 + 7 + 8 + 9 = 35 more citations, for 45 total. Year Three gives you 60 more citations, for 105 total. Year Four, 85 for 190; Year Five, 110 for 300; Year Six, 135 for 435. You're more than ready for tenure!
In one of his blog posts about Google Scholar, Brian Leiter suggests that an "h-index" of about 20 is characteristic of "leading younger scholars" like Keith DeRose and Jason Stanley. You will have that h-index by the end of your eighth year out -- considerably faster than either DeRose or Stanley! In your 18th year, your h-index will match that of David Chalmers (currently in his 19th year out). By the end of the 50th year of your long and industrious career, you will have 250 publications, 31,125 total citations, and an h-index of 125, vastly exceeding that of any living philosopher I am aware of (e.g., Dan Dennett), and approaching that of Michel Foucault.
Self-citation: the secret of success!
Update, Jan. 12: See also my Advanced Course in Academic Fame: Fame Through Friend-Citation.